CALLBACK

Esc …

19.3.2017

When's the last time you wanted to escape? Last month, last week, now, at the end of this sentence? How do you do it? A screen, a street, another person? Where did you want to go? Does it matter?

There will be a last time.

Is escape about being somewhere else or about not being here? Do you intend to reach escape velocity, to stay in orbit, or to end your trip a brilliant if ephemeral streak in the sky? Choices. Choices are a form of escape. An illustration of the possibilities. Am I delaying decisions because I want to make the right one; or because I crave the freedom to imagine, to remain unconstrained?

Is packing your bag part of the fantasy? Some would prefer to drift off, having nothing to tie them down any longer. I don't think I'm one of those people. I'd like to have a kit prepared. A collection of objects with which I can go anywhere. My laptop is a liability. I wouldn't ditch my phone: the goal isn't to be present elsewhere, just not here.

Cigarettes are a social technology that Snapchat and e-cigs won't replace. How do you make friends when you're young and a stranger? You die quicker. A man with a plan is not to be trusted, lest you get in the way of his canal. The type of shit that makes people think you're trying to be clever. Well I'm trying to be clever, but I don't want to make anyone do anything.

I wonder what that first breath of Beijing air is like. Does it sting? Taste sour? It must be warm: from all the people, from all the factories, from all the light. Foreign particles, foreign parts.

How much am I replicating my circumstances and how much is truly universal. At some point after touchdown I regress. In my mind the only time for personality development is in the leaps. Stay on the ground for too long and I'm back in the valley— no, the trough. I keep waiting for the next jumping off point. Up until now I've relied on sudden realizations that my worldview was broken. The leap becomes easy: "Well this is a dead-end, on to the next branch of the random walk".

I've been more into my dreams lately. As a form of escape, dreams have clear advantages: they're cheap and feel personally meaningful. Not that they actually carry any significance. Suspension of disbelief is a pillar of escapism.

I have very little interest in lucid dreaming. Desire to role play is a distinct phenomena from desire to escape. Where's the fun in terraforming? I want to adapt to the environment. New stimuli, new reactions, new me. Ecstasy hides in liminal spaces.